words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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