i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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