The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm at about main and main street
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
