Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
