And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
