To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
