i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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