I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
