I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize