I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
