so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
