She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
