So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
