What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
