I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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