Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You made out with two different species that night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize