I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
