I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize