i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
