worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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