just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
