And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
