I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
