Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
