cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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