I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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