my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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