bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize