Sry I called you an 8
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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