I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
