You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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