I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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