i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
