How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
