i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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