I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize