i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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