Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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