her vagine was all disorganized.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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