I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
