It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
