I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
