im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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