wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
