I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
