Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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