I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
