your parents love me but you hate me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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