butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize