i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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