She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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