Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
