Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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