why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was CRYING into my vagina
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
