Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
