he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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