and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
