i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
