note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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