First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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