I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize