So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
