Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
