Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
