apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
