a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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