You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
