Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
