Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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