Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
