I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize