Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
