your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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